Nov 26th, 2016
Hey readers and sorry for not posting for a while. Going to try and get back to this, honestly though I was in a struggle and didn’t want to trigger everyone. It started with GI issues, then a nutritionist telling me to only eat 1000 calories and egg whites, then stress of the holidays…it all just caused a spiral. But ever since that last post, I have been (for the most part) doing better. Slipped a little over the holidays but I am back on track now.
That’s the thing about recovery. It’s not about perfection. It’s about learning. Sometimes you learn from slips, sometimes from triumphs, but as long as you are learning, that’s what’s important. And I am learning. I am learning to trust others, learning to trust myself, learning it’s okay to like food. Day by day learning. Sometimes learning is coming through growing pains, but its happening and for that I am greatful.
So today I am taking the advice of others and choosing to do what is TERRIFYING and increase my intake back to where it was when I first came home. I am eating scary things…but things I want and accepting that’s okay. I am refusing to cut little calories here and there and going to try not to skimp on portions. I am going to do this. When I can’t do it for me, for my family who has stuck by me. For the nurses who saved my life (and who I wrote letter to). For my dad and honoring his memory as the anniversary of his death just passed. And to celebrate the good news about employment I just got (because its normal to celebrate with food).
Today I am learning just because its scary doesn’t mean its something to be scared of. It’s just misfiring of neurons in my brain. But by facing my fear and giving a new way of living a chance, I can change my brain and make it so food becomes okay, but it only comes through action. Just because its scary doesn’t mean its wrong and, as I’m learning in recovery, sometimes it means its necessary. The fear is almost an indicator you should do it.
So if you have a triumph over a fear and want to join me comment below or give me a shoutout. Would love to know people are reading : )
What fears are you facing? What lessons is life teaching you? What lessons are you refusing to learn? Fear is just the place for faith. Lessons are just steps along the way of life. You got this. I got this. God's got us. And we will overcome.